Curious, is it not?

Curious, is it not?

Family is that crazy thing that we all have mixed feelings about.

From my posts, you'd think I have no issues with any of my family, or that we all love each other just because we are amaze balls.

Cute. Real cute.

Gracious, some days I hate my family. Just recently, I contemplated hitting my grandma with a shovel.

What stopped me?

Life in prison.

Just kidding! I love my grandma, and while at the moment she was driving me batty, I would never do that. Also, nobody else is ever allowed to feel that way, because I'll kill them.

Know the feeling?

There are all sorts of statistics that say "Oh, if you sit down with your family, life gets better." No really, it's a thing. Okay, maybe I paraphrased and shortened it a bit but it's there.(http://dinnertrade.com/568/interesting-statistics-on-family-dinners)

Us teenagers are like "Oh please, we don't need conversation with them. It's hard enough to live with them!" Yeah, it's true. Of course, then we have the fact that it really is better. When you understand and talk to your parents, there seems to be way more peace throughout the home.

I am speaking through experience. Crazy, I know. Nah, not really. I'm getting off topic. Anyway,  me and my father don't always get along. Actually, that's an understatement, since he is one of the hardest people to live with. Oh, you think I'm exaggerating? I'm not. Anyway, I try to engage in conversation with him every so often because it seems to keep the peace. It makes him less cranky, and me slightly less annoyed. Not only that, but then the whole house is free again, not just sectioned spots for the each of us!

I'm not completely sure where I'm going with all of this. I think I've covered love, family, dinner, teenagers and all that fun stuff, so I'm just going to leave you to it! Thank you for reading, thank you for thinking and stay curious!

Curiously, Fyredancer911

Ohana means family

What gives?

I mean,

that's family.

Want to know how we are all so close? 

We did things together. We lived in the middle of nowhere and used.... wait for it.... our imagination!

My family means a lot to me, and I think it should to everyone. Family is who is behind you nearly every step of the way, they encourage you, they love you and they help you up when you fall.

Shouldn't everyone value that?

So I really do think that everyone should do things, be a family, make strong relationships because in the end, you are better off for it. 

So, since this was just a little post, I think the next one is going to be my big finale. Thanks for reading guys! Stay tuned!

Curiously, Fyredancer911

Expect That!

Expectations.

God, those suck, don't they?

Parents, they just sometimes expect so much out of you. You feel like you can't do anything right, you can't please them.

Then, on the other side, there are parents who have no expectations, and that's just even worse. You believe that you can't do it and you think that even if you did, they wouldn't realize it either way.

As I've stated and hinted at before, we need a good middle ground. We need those parents who expect good things but accept that you are trying your best. 

Thing is, we are our parents' prodigy. We are what they kind of, mold us into. I know, it doesn't sound cool and we will all go "No! I'm nothing like them, I'm not going to follow what they want me to be!" Maybe you're right. 

Oh, but what if you're wrong?

Nope, I'm not saying that you have no will of your own, but our mannerisms, and most of our behaviors and a lot of our perceptions and even some of our interests stem from our parents. We have this burning need (most of us at least) to impress these people. We all want their love and approval, and when we get it, we go much further. 

That means, we care about getting good grades. Not because we are scared of our parents, but we strive for our future.

That means, we want to help out, do good things and be successful  but not because your pushed too far, only because you were nudged and found it in yourself to care about it on your own.

Basically, parents need to drop some expectations and just expect that their child does their personal best. Us rebellious teenagers need to grow up and meet our own expectations!

Rebellion turns to Conformity

Teenagers rebel, it is a way of life.

It is every parents worst nightmare. You can always hear them saying "They're in that phase." Or "S/He's a teenager." and just like that, the rebellious behavior is written off.

Not to say that teenagers, at the age we are, don't just want to try and test everything. That would be the cause of our so-called rebellion. However, a lot of rebellion has to do with parenting. 

OH NO. Oh, yeah. I said it. I just called the parents out. 

Here is the deal, and I see it everyday. These kids with parents who aren't trying hard enough or are trying way too hard are the ones rebelling usually. I'll even use an example, my friend misses school constantly, does all sorts of socially unacceptable things and even personally detrimental things. The point is that his mother doesn't really care, she is lax with him and him being the oldest of his siblings, rather than act responsibly he acts out to try and force his mother to do so. Granted, this is my opinion, but it remains true in other situations too. Then I have my parents or some of my friends parents who did a wonderful job, and we are generally not as rebellious. We went easy on our parents. We can only hope that will be paid back to us with our kids. 

When the parents do good, the kids do good. Go figure.

Family Ties (Us Down?)

Let's sit around the table, eat a good old fashioned dinner, no electronics, no distractions and let's talk. Shall we?

I know, I know, this doesn't happen often in families anymore, and what a shame that is.

We are too busy with our cell phones, laptops, TVs, Netflix, music, video games, et cetera to care about a silly dinner with our family where you can have none of those modern distractions. Don't get me wrong, I love all of those things and being the teenager I am, I doubt I could live without those for a long amount of time. However, I also love to - once in awhile - sit down and just talk to my family, and participate in honest conversation with them. It gives me a sense of awareness for what they are going through and I firmly believe that when we are able to do this, we really become closer to each other than we were before. My family and I usually live in a pretty good silence, all of us in our own places but every once in awhile, we break free of that and after our dinner we often are more amiable towards each other. We will often then watch a movie together, or play a game and we are content with each other for days. It wears off for a while and we get irritable with our family members, then we have another nice dinner, we socialize and we are once again alright for a while. It isn’t just dinner though, it’s movies together, games together, working together, and overall spending time together. It is parenting in such a way that the kids are not ashamed to be near their parents. If we had a better family life and no longer allowed our family ties to dematerialize then maybe our world would be better off.

In this blog, I am going to explore a few different angles of family . Things such as:

• Effects on teenage rebellion
• Effects on education and willingness to participate in other activities
• Effects on parenting styles and effectiveness
• Demoralization of family
• Deterioration of family

Single parent families are everywhere, the divorce rates are astounding and kids everywhere are being torn apart by their lack of parental figures The divorce rates are about half of what the marriage rates are in a fraction of 3, 400/6,800. That added to stepparents and extended family(such as step siblings) things tend to go a bit awry. People get rebellious, ignored, scorned, bullied and all sorts of things. Not always, of course, however it happens and that is the issue. Kids need parents and love.

It isn't that they can’t survive without both parents, gay couples and single parents can raise completely normal and successful children, the problem is in the emotional proximity. Their ability to relate to, and understand their child is important, yet this approach is vastly under appreciated. Sometimes, the single parents are even better than both parents due to the fact that if parents are together just for the child and it is a tense and unloving atmosphere, it is more detrimental to the child’s development. How close you are, and not in a suffocating way, to your child makes a huge difference on their behavior This is why some single parents and gay parents are more effective, because they create closer ties with the child in question and that produces better results. If you show them that they are loved and that you genuinely care about them, they will do almost anything for you. If you are too lax, in other words a permissive parent, then they will stretch the rules in a hope that you will care enough to give them boundaries, whereas very strict parents, also known as authoritarian, keep the child on such a tight leash that it often prompts rebellion. In my opinion, the middle grounds is the best way to go without any casualties.

In the next few posts I will explore what was earlier stated and provide some in-depth information. It is imperative that we keep families strong, it might save lives, marriages and personal happiness. Obviously, it doesn’t always work, but what if by starting off with a good family we all learn to wait until we also have something good to pass on to our next generation?

Until next time guys!

Curiously,

Fyredancer911 ♥

Your Judgments are Invalid

Me: "So me and my friend..."
Person: "What friend?"
Me: "Oh, their name is ____"
Person: "Ugh. I hate them. They are so rude and stuff!"
Me: "Err..." *what do you really know about this person? I think they're nice...*"Well do you really know them?"
Person: "Not really. I have a class with them and they are just awful!"
Me: "Uhhh..."

This drives me insane! Who are you to judge someone you barely even know? Ever hear or see the saying "You know my name, not my story"? Well, it's true!
Here is the deal with this post. I admit... It is a bit more of a rant than anything else. It won't be 'informative' I suppose but overall I think my points are valid, whereas people's negative judgments are not.
In human nature, we judge. It is a basis of life, and that is not the problem. The problem is that some then base their actions and sometimes even their words in order to fit their judgment. When we do that, we are considered rude. Simple as.
I will put it in a science hypothesis "If, Then, Because" statement.
If we judge someone(call them a jerk), then they will act that way towards us, because that is how you expect them to act towards us. Why should they waste their time correcting us? If we don't give them a chance or behave sociably towards them, then why would they waste their time? So basically, I just created this short rant to say STOP IT. Like, goodness, chill out.

Okay. I'm done. Sorry about that. Continue on and read my other stuff. Also, I have some news. For a Journalism project I have to create about 5 posts on a certain subject SO for the first time ever, be excited because I will UPDATE my blog more than once a year. Yay!

Expectations of the Media and Society

Introduction

If you could, would you change something about yourself? What would it be? How many thought of something pertaining to their body? Thin is beautiful. Athletes, models, actors, rock stars! We all aspire to look as they do. The media presents us with photo-shopped images of unrealistic beauty – what we might call “perfect” – while society reinforces this standard through a social norm. Our society has to set these standards to aid in the media's images. What causes us, as a society, to set expectations for something we are all aware is unreal? My research explores the pressure and extreme measures an individual will undertake to be socially acceptable; such as becoming anorexic or bulimic. It also examines how our society works, past and present, to perceive this idealistic beauty image as they do. In light of my research, I've discovered that society is to blame in a domino effect way. I've reinforced my beliefs that the media presents and imperfect ideal of perfection; and that this in turn causes an unhealthy perspective on today's individual.

Peer Pressure

We all possess individual wills and proudly express that nobody can make us do anything if we don't want to. If that's the case, then why do we have anorexic or bulimic people? We are generally all consciously aware of the negative effects that such 'diets' bring us, and how dangerous they can be. We have a way of making it seem that we don’t care what people think, or that it doesn't affect us. That is the biggest lie we tell ourselves. We, however unconsciously, care and adjust to the unspoken demands of our society; thus resulting in the sometimes detrimental quest for a socially acceptable beauty. Recent statistics were taken and women admitted that they would give up five years of their lives just to realize weight loss goals. Introduced to the younger generation so early, our expectations of beauty are apparent. (Jonathan, 2011) We don't stop at pressuring these young girls in only one major society. One of the biggest cultural customs in China was to create what is called 'Lotus flower' feet on their girls to give them what was considered more 'feminine' feet. This process was done by breaking the toes in the foot and wrapping them tightly so they healed incorrectly. The process was extremely painful. This caused issues later on, leaving these girls with the inability to stand or walk properly and the inability to put weight on the front of their feet.(Tan, 2012) In so many ways we put pressures on our youth to look 'beautiful' and more often than not, they feel that they don't fit the bill.

Media and Society: Partners in Crime

Media presents us with these ideals of beauty that we cannot hope to attain, purely based on the fact that it is digitally enhanced. Since they are responsible for the presentation of the unrealistic imagery, we blame the people of the media right away for the issues arising. However, the media is us; we support the media and we create it. They are simply broadcasted to the mass population, yet all they hope to achieve is to give the society (consumers) what they wish to see. This brings me to wonder: is society actually to blame? All signs point to the answer being yes. When the media gives us what will capture our attention, we are inevitably creating the media to portray what we expect. Expectations are dangerous. We attempt to evolve and change to fit the social patterns of our present times, for better or for worse. Yet there must be a limit to this questionable quest, there must be a point we reach when we comprehend and begin to portray contentment with ourselves. In a sense, we change to please others until we realize that we should change to please ourselves.

Our Youth

Our youth is what defines the next generation and sets the future. When the number one concern for our youth is their weight, I personally feel uneasy. Even more so reading that since 1970 the age at which girls began dieting dropped from fourteen to eight by 1990. Reading statistics such as “50% of girls aged three to six are already concerned about their weight” or “81% of ten-year-old girls experience the fear of being fat” or “Adolescent girls are more afraid of gaining weight than getting cancer, losing a parent or nuclear war” makes us all a bit uneasy. Of course we don't want those insecurities to someday be in power, it would be unhealthy and chaotic, even more so than it already is. What's worse is they judge based on these things. A study offered preschoolers a choice between two dolls, identical except for their weight, and nine out of ten chose the thinner doll. Also, in another study, children were asked to rate other children based on attractiveness; the overweight children were rated lower than the deformed children.(Jonathan, 2011) Is that concerning to anyone else? These children should be worrying about what to play, not judging who they are playing with.

Teens Victimized

Teens are the most aware of the peer pressure, as if grades and friends weren't enough to worry about. Estimates show that about 5% of teens suffer from eating disorders; and around 10% of girls and 3% of boys binge eat at least once a week. Then to top it off, those social groups we all hate to be categorized in may help others in identifying higher risk teens. Studies have shown that those classified as 'brains' were usually the healthiest, yet were seen to do the most dieting. 'Jocks' or 'Populars' ate unhealthy but exercised the most. The 'burnouts' or 'troublemakers' seemed to be most concerned with their weight, and took the most measures to control it, regardless of how healthy it may be. (Squires. 2008) Director of the Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Fellowship Program at the University of Chicago, Karam Radwan, states that body dysmorphic disorder, when someone feels that they look different than their actual appearance, is a big issue with teens. She also says that negative body image and eating disorders can lead to social anxiety or depression.(Prang, 2011) “Health care providers and school personnel might ask adolescent girls about their peer crowd affiliations in order to help identify adolescents with the highest levels of risky behavior” states Sally Squires. In any event, that isn't the only way to potentially help these people stay healthy and deter them from using potentially harmful methods to attain a socially acceptable beauty. The answer may lie in having family dinners, as cliché as it may sound. The family time has shown to reduce drug intake, drinking, smoking, and gives a healthier and more regular diet in teens. (Squires, 2008)

Memory Lane: Past Expectations

Societies expectations are subject to change at any moment, same as fads. In Medieval times, having more weight meant that you were rich enough to have a lot of food. In other words, big meant better because it meant fed. Being skinny, especially the kind of skinny people want nowadays, would mean you are a peasant of the lowest rank. 40 years back the wanted physique was curvy with some 'meat on your bones', and to attain such, they had all sorts of advertisements out to easily gain weight. That is no longer the case; now we can't seem to go a day without seeing an advertisement about losing weight. We hold ourselves up to these iconic women and men to judge our beauty. Most models presently could be considered anorexic, and are essentially the opposite of the average U.S. woman. 20 years ago, models averaged 8% less than the average woman, but now the number is up to 23%. (Jonathan, 2011) Society changes their minds constantly, why should you change your body to please them?

Happy in Your Own Skin?

 Let's take a look at our news feed on Facebook. We get all these pictures such as the one previously shown, yet look at the girl behind the message. They often have the exact body image that we are attempting to deter from as the stereotype of beauty. We know what society does to us, we know what trying to please people can do to us and we are endlessly told that we should love ourselves and our bodies. It still doesn't get through to us, because we are still too busy thinking “I want that guy/girl to like me”. It's natural, we survive by our genes, we look for certain aspects to carry on our lineage, and that is proven scientifically. We pick people with certain looks to be our “mate” based on symmetry, status, well-being, etc. However, that doesn't mean that people that lack some of these aspects will never find a mate. Believing that is the undoing of these individuals who yearn to appease everyone with their appearance and suitability. Being happy with yourself may be the only solution but how do we do this? Simply telling someone to do so won't often work, it takes time and confidence and contentment in your skin.

Conclusion

Society as a whole creates the media, there is no escaping that fact. In return, the media attempts to give consumers what they wish to see. As a result of that need to produce, individuals in the society suffer from acute pressures to look and behave in certain ways. An individual will persist in dangerous behaviors if the outcome would be acceptance from their peers. The media plays a part in this deterioration of the individual in the society, this inability to accept ones self as beautiful or wanted. We aim to blame the media alone, though we ourselves create said media. We feed it, we consume what they sell us, and we reinforce the beliefs that they will portray in their very public way. We develop a preconceived image of what this 'perfection' would be without taking anything else into account. To alleviate this issue, we must stop changing for other people, and change only for ourselves. When we can find contentment in ourselves, maybe then we can solve the detrimental perceptions. Saying so is easy of course, it's a matter of believing. When you believe though, things change; we change.

“You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

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That was my English 1010 Classical Argument. Pretty huge, hmm? Well dearies If you got through all of that I thank you. I know it isn't quite my normal, obviously it couldn't have my little side comments. One more thing, watch "The Science of Sex Appeal" It isn't bad or anything but oh wow, is it interesting! (:

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